Are You Over-Controlling Your Fertility? How Stress and Control Can Sabotage Egg Quality

Are you exhausted from tracking every cycle, researching every supplement, and still not seeing results?

If you’ve been told you have low AMH, high FSH, diminished ovarian reserve (DOR), premature ovarian insufficiency (POI), or that donor eggs are your only option, this episode is for you.

On this episode of Get Pregnant Naturally, hosted by fertility expert and founder Sarah Clark, you’ll learn how controlling behaviors and chronic stress can silently sabotage egg quality, ovulation, and implantation, and what you can do to support your body and fertility naturally.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why controlling behaviors and chronic stress can sabotage egg quality, ovulation, and implantation.

• How chronic “control mode” keeps your body in fight-or-flight, blocking conception.

• Functional fertility insights that reveal hidden imbalances behind infertility.

• Simple nervous system and mindset tools to shift from stress to safety so your body feels ready to conceive.

Letting go of control doesn’t mean giving up; it means creating the conditions where your body can thrive.

Understanding the “Controller” Pattern in Fertility

What we've seen when working with clients with low AMH or diminished ovarian reserve (and even during my own journey with premature ovarian insufficiency at 28), is that they often feel the need to micromanage every step of their fertility journey: tracking cycles obsessively, researching every supplement, and trying to control outcomes. Chronic stress from control mode can:

• Reduce ovarian reserve and egg quality 

• Disrupt ovulation and implantation

• Negatively affect IVF outcomes

What the Science Says About Stress And Ovarian Function

• Chronic stress and controlling behaviors can negatively impact ovarian function, egg quality, and fertility outcomes.

  • Human Study: A study in Reproductive BioMedicine Online (520 women seeking fertility care) found that higher psychological stress was linked to lower AMH and antral follicle count (AFC). These effects were influenced by age, race, education, and income. The Perceived Stress Scale (PSS-4) was used to measure stress. 

  • Review Study: A review in the International Journal of Molecular Medicine confirmed that psychological stress activates the HPA, SAM, and HPO axes, disrupting hormone balance, reducing ovarian reserve, and impairing fertility. Stress can worsen conditions like POI and functional hypothalamic amenorrhea, but interventions—both psychological and metabolic—can help mitigate these effects. 

  Takeaway: Managing stress and letting go of over-controlling behaviors can help protect AMH levels, ovarian reserve, and improve natural conception or IVF success.

Functional Fertility Insights: Labs and Lifestyle

Functional lab testing can uncover hidden imbalances affecting fertility:

Cortisol and Adrenal Function

Our thesis for women with low AMH, "Is it early menopause or is it your adrenals?". Send a message to hello@fabfertile.ca subject line ADRENALS for our guide. Chronic stress keeps the adrenal glands in overdrive, producing excess cortisol. Over time, this can disrupt communication between the brain and ovaries (the HPA–HPG axis), leading to irregular cycles, poor ovulation, and reduced ovarian reserve. Studies show that women with high cortisol levels often experience lower IVF success rates and impaired egg quality. 

DHEA Deficiency

DHEA, produced by the adrenal glands, is a key precursor for estrogen and testosterone. Low DHEA is linked to diminished ovarian reserve, poor egg quality, and reduced fertility outcomes. Research suggests that correcting adrenal imbalances and optimizing DHEA levels may support ovarian response and improve IVF results. Check out how Heartmath can help to improve DHEA levels naturally.

Amanda’s Story: From POI to Natural Conception
Amanda was diagnosed with premature ovarian insufficiency, with an AMH of just 0.08 ng/mL. Her doctors told her donor eggs were her only option. Through functional lab testing, we uncovered hidden imbalances and used targeted diet and lifestyle strategies to restore her health. Against the odds, Amanda conceived naturally. Watch her journey here.

Inflammation and Immune Imbalances

When the body is in a chronic inflammatory state, driven by stress, diet, infections, or autoimmunity, it can negatively impact ovarian reserve and implantation. Elevated inflammatory markers such as hsCRP have been associated with lower egg quality, recurrent pregnancy loss, and diminished ovarian reserve. Functional medicine strategies that reduce systemic inflammation can help restore a healthier reproductive environment. Watch this for more information.

Gut Microbiome Dysbiosis

The gut and reproductive system are closely connected. An imbalanced gut microbiome can trigger inflammation, nutrient malabsorption, and immune dysregulation, all of which affect egg quality and ovarian function. Dysbiosis has also been linked to estrogen metabolism issues, further impacting ovarian reserve. Restoring balance in the gut microbiome through diet, probiotics, and personalized gut protocols can play a pivotal role in improving fertility outcomes. Read more here.

Nervous System and Mindset Tools That Support Fertility

Shifting from control to connection is key for functional fertility:

• Body scans, breathwork, humming, vagus nerve activation to reduce cortisol

• Journaling and fertility mindset coaching to release control and reframe limiting beliefs

• Couples practices: eye gazing, letter writing, and shared rituals to reduce stress

Wanna improve your egg quality? Click here.

TIMESTAMPS - Fertility Stress Lowers AMH Faster Than You Think

[00:00:00] What Does the “Controller” Pattern Look Like in Fertility?
👉 Signs you might be over-researching, obsessively tracking, micromanaging supplements, or struggling to “let go.”

[00:02:00] How Stress and Control Impact Low AMH, Egg Quality, and Ovulation
👉 The link between perfectionism, nervous system stress, HPO axis disruption, and fertility outcomes.

[00:04:00] Functional Fertility Insights: Cortisol, DHEA, Inflammation, and Gut Health
👉 What functional labs reveal about stress-driven fertility struggles.

[00:06:30] Shifting from Control to Connection: Nervous System Tools That Support Conception
👉 Practical strategies to calm your body, regulate stress, and improve egg quality naturally.

[00:08:00] How to Feel Safe in Your Body: Somatic Practices for Fertility
👉 Why resetting your nervous system is as important as testing, and how to ground yourself daily.

[00:10:00] Simple Techniques to Calm the Nervous System
👉 Body scans, breathwork, humming, and vagus nerve activation to reduce cortisol and improve blood flow to reproductive organs.

[00:12:00] Letting Go of the Controller Voice: Journaling, Reframing, and Fertility Mindset Coaching
👉 How to dialogue with fear, release stored emotions, and reframe beliefs like “I’m broken” into self-trust and hope.

[00:15:00] From Control to Connection: Couples Practices and Real Fertility Success Stories
👉 Eye gazing, letter writing, mindset shifts, and examples of women with low AMH and high FSH who conceived naturally.

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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Today we're talking all about controlling habits, like micromanaging every step, constantly checking ovulation tests, switching supplements, obsessively researching or feeling like you have to do everything yourself. How this can impact your fertility, especially if you have low AMH or diminished to ovarian reserve.

I'll share some easy tools to help you relax, process emotions, and feel more connected to your body. Let's go.

Welcome back. I'm Sarah Clark, founder of Fab Fertile. For over a decade, my team and I have helped hundreds of couples improve their chances of pregnancy success, whether their naturally or through IVF. We specialize in supporting those with low AMH, high FSH, diminished ovarian reserve, premature ovarian sufficiency, and recurrent pregnancy loss through functional testing and personalized strategies.

Today we're going to talk about how controlling behaviors impact fertility.

We're going to learn some practical tools and how to calm your nervous system so you can support egg quality. [00:01:00] This episode is for you, is if you find yourself obsessively tracking, researching, controlling every aspect of your fertility journey. You are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed. Disconnected from your body during your fertility process, and you're ready to explore general ways to reset your nervous system and create space for healing and conception..

Thanks so much for listening. I'm so thankful that you're here. Make sure you hit subscribe or follow, and if you know someone else who's on the fertility journey, please share this podcast with them.

 We're talking about the controller, which I can really relate to and how this will impact your fertility journey. So the traits of a controller is you're constantly researching, you are collecting data supplements, looking at tests, looking at protocols.

So for me, in times of struggle when there's something going on with my health, I literally will go into research mode. So it's for my health, for someone in my family's health, for my friend's health, anything to do with health. And really now that we have a [00:02:00] little thing called chatGPT, I find that actually being able to sort through things, compare pros, cons, decisions, all this sort of stuff.

So it's even now. For me, almost worse because it's like the researching gets completely out of control. And then with this is needing to feel in control of every outcome. I've shared this before, remember going through this coaching program years ago, and one of the women said, I just wake up every day.

And I see where the day will take me. And I'm like, that sounds the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You have got to attack the day with a plan and know exactly what you're doing or you'll do nothing. Now is that years and years later? Is that the truth? Going with the flow and being able to weave in bob?

I like to lean in towards that, but I'm still more, the person likes a little bit of structure, likes a plan. Has a couple things each day that I can check off and get done. And that helps me feel good and stay [00:03:00] organized. But if it goes too much to the other side where I wanna plan it and control it, that's where it's, things start getting out of alignment.

There could be perfectionism around food, exercise, around your cycle fear of doing it wrong. So there's underneath all this controlling pieces, fear that things aren't going to work out. It's rooted in experiences of needing to be the responsible one and feeling unsafe and uncertainty.

Like I know for me, in times of uncertainty, I go deep into the research and we see this a lot with our clients too, where they love all the testing, we're doing all the biomarkers, we're looking at your blood work, we're looking at your stool test and your genetics, and we do all the testing.

But meanwhile your body's on high alert because you're then looking at the protocol and researching that, and then just not being able to relax. It's not about, relax, actually get pregnant, but if we need to reset your nervous system and that's causing all your biomarkers to be off, because when you're in the fertility journey, there's a whole bunch of uncertainty.

[00:04:00] And then how do you deal with that piece? And that can activate the sympathetic nervous system and you're in the fight or flight piece and it keeps your cortisol elevated, the adrenaline elevated, so that's going to impact the HPO access. So the hypothalamus pituitary ovarian communication, it's going to reduce blood flow with reproductive organs.

It could contribute to poor egg maturation, thin uterine lining. Irregular ovulation, low implantation rates. On the functional lab side of things, we often see elevated cortisol, or when we do the Dutch test is this flat line, like you've got chronic stress for years. You've been trying to figure this whole thing out and put on your research hat, which is, we served you in the past.

But with that same controlling side of things when you're on the fertility journey, it can actually make you feel more exhausted. I know on the weekend I was trying to figure out where should we live? We're going to go here, we're going to go there. I had all sorts of different scenarios. We're in a transitionary year where we've bought a place in Italy.

I'm recording this in my daughter's place. [00:05:00] I'm, we're living up north in our trailer that we have. And we're waiting for that to sell. So there's a whole bunch of stuff going on. So with that, I'm like, let's try to research this and what will we do? And it actually at the point I drove myself crazy on the weekend.

I'm like I need to get back outside and relax and enjoy myself. So over researching it can impact your DHEA, your pregnenolone. Your high sensitivity C-reactive protein, your CRP inflammation, and then also gut dysbiosis.

So the gut infections and gut issues, you don't need to have digestive issues like burping, bloating, constipation, diarrhea. But if you do, there's definitely a sign. Have less of the good bacteria, more of the bad bacteria, proliferating.

Then that's going to impact your fertility. That gut dysbiosis can be linked to stress, which those control and their perfectionism behaviors. I've done a whole podcast episode on perfectionism, so if that's, you definitely check up that episode.

Got a lot of positive feedback from that. People telling me like, wait a minute, I see myself in that. [00:06:00] Some of these things can be your superpower, right? But then if it goes to the wrong side, and then how does that impact your health? . If you're a person that likes to control and you're just going to go with the flow of the day, might be completely that's just too foreign.

But if we can get little glimpses of going with the flow, not getting frustrated at things don't go your way. Getting totally frustrated and essentially angry and so it can show up by feeling if you're doing everything right, but why isn't it working? So maybe you're just feeling I can't stop researching.

I just need more information. More information. If I got more information, I would feel better. But if we go back into the foundational pieces of the right diet that's right for you, and that's our Fab Fertile Method, we can help with that. Definitely send me a message at hello@fabfertile.ca.

Subject line 10 DAY. We'll give you our elimination diet so you can figure out the exact diet that's right for you. Looking at movement, looking at your sleep, looking at your stress management. So it's not about more information about you going paleo, vegan, [00:07:00] carnivore, let's get the diet for you.

And sometimes it also shows up as if I feel if I let go, I'll lose my only chance I got that one embryo. I've only got a couple months left. They've told me that my AMH is declining by the month and I have got to hurry. Lots of podcast episodes on AMH is not the be all and end all .That predicts how well you'll do with IVF does not predict your ability to get pregnant naturally.

Doesn't predict your uterine receptivity. And it is a poor predictor of live birth outcomes. So we're told to hang our hat on that and that's the only thing to look at mean while we didn't look at the rest of the biomarkers. And so maybe you experience trouble relaxing during the fertile window.

Maybe you're feeling. A lack of spontaneity in joy and intimacy. It's just oh my goodness. It's all about baby making. Love making has gone out the window and then after failed IVF cycles just feeling burnt out. The whole piece is we can't force conception. It requires trust and safety and your body to feel that way.

And so that if your nervous system, if you're feeling very [00:08:00] controlled and constricted. The body is feeling it's not safe at this stage, and it's not about you doing more. You need to feel safer in your body.

We love all the testing. Equally as important, the mind, body side of things. Resetting your nervous system, recognizing these patterns in ourselves and where we can just each day slightly lean in to feeling a little more certainty so we can have certainty around what we eat.

Certainty about when we go to bed, certainty of when we decide to exercise things that we that we do have control of and not other things that we don't. If we feel we need to research just to see at that point, how is that serving you? And so we can do some somatic work.

So bring gentle awareness and to calm the body, help shift the nervous system. Because sometimes if we're in our head, we need to actually go to the body first. So you can noticing physical sensations without trying to fix or change them. [00:09:00] You can sit quietly for two to three minutes, scan your body.

Notice where you feel tightness, tingling, warmth, heaviness, discomfort. I always feel tightness on my shoulders. You can tap more into that intuition side of things. Listen to your gut. We all have intuition. And this is going to build some trust between your mind and body, and then gets away from that fear or judgment that we might be feeling.

So you could feel some lightness in your chest. Then you're noticing this without trying to fix something. So if your thought is, I feel tightness in my chest, you're noticing the tightness, but you're not trying to fix it. You're like, oh, wait, how do to fix tightness in my chest?

No, we're just noticing it and then we're breathing through it. Slowly observe your surroundings and name what out loud in your mind to look around and see a window. This is if you're, a lot of times I do this with anxiety. If you're feeling anxious, I see a window, I see a tree, I see my cup, and keeping you in the present moment.

[00:10:00] And so it's sending that visual information to your brain signaling safety and helps deactivate that controlling mindset. Humming. It's like singing. Family and friends all make fun of my really bad singing, but I love singing and I've always loved singing and I will continue to sing.

They don't like it too bad for them. But humming on the exhale to stimulate the vagus nerve. So take a deep breath in, then hum gently on the exhale for 10 to 15 seconds. And repeat For 5, times it's going to activate the parasympathetic nervous system lowers your cortisol. Increases blood flow to the reproductive organs and supports fertility.

You can do some breath work. I talked before about that, 4, 7, 8. So in for four, hold for seven out for eight. So in for four. Hold for seven

and out for eight.

You can do some [00:11:00] meditation, lots of apps. Pick one and do it or do you use a timer for a couple minutes do that before bed. You can put your legs up the wall helps the to calm the nervousness system. You can identify that controller voice.

So it says, if I don't stay on top of this, I'll fail and acknowledge that, acknowledge it without judgment. It's trying to keep you safe. And then gently ask the controller I see how hard you're working 'cause you are working hard, you're researching the crap out of this thing. You are planning and orchestrating and future pacing, everything.

What are you afraid? What might happen if you take a step back? I know for me, I'm like no one else will do it. I've got to be the responsible one. If I don't do it, no one else will. Sometimes that can be true, but how true is that really? And how is that impacting your health right now?

So this dialogue is going to help create compassion and really soften the controlling patterns. And then allowing for some space for like grief and sadness around the [00:12:00] fertility struggles, right? This stuff is hard. It can impact every aspect of your life. You can try some journaling.

What am I afraid to feel if I stop controlling? Fear, right? Sadness, anger. You can do some somatic release. Crying can be helpful and therapeutic. And you can also put one hand on your heart and one hand on your womb and breathe deeply and say, I feel safe. It feels safe to feel this, and I don't have to hold it all alone.

It's important to work with someone. We have fertility mindset coaches that can help guide you through this piece , if you can't logically think it being able to go through the body work, so then your body knows it's safe. Because right now the body's wait a minute, we're under attack.

And shifts those core beliefs. If you think I'm broken, just say my body is always communicating and I'm listening. Change. It's too late to, I'm supporting my body in new ways. So reframing for that hope and self-trust and if you're into that obsessive tracking [00:13:00] piece sometimes we have people use a inito fertility tracker.

There's a link down below in the show notes that we'll have to that, and we also like the Mira fertility tracker, but sometimes that can just be more like that obsessive data piece. It could be too much. And so track how your body feels. Looking at your cervical mucus and your basal body temperature.

Tracking with a fertility tracker can be helpful. And then limit your time on like that, those fertility forums, social media. Doctor Google doctor, ai to reduce anxiety and overwhelm. Notice when you're stuck in comparison, when something brings up the controlling need in you so you can do, a 10 minute window to check some fertility resources, then disconnect.

So working with someone actually to call you out on this, sometimes it can be difficult, right? We've got these ingrained patterns. They served us at one point, but now in this journey going all in, controlling it is not serving us because it's just bringing up all this [00:14:00] uncertainty and worry and anxiety.

And then we're stuck in the, the fight or flight piece.. Some of this stuff for me too, right? Where it's this constant doing into being, you don't want to always be productive and do, and plan and attack it. And so sometimes just being heard, we coach couples, so the two of you can, work together there and feeling heard and validated to down-regulate the stress.

Just getting it off your chest and having someone validate you that, yeah, that is hard. A hard thing you've been going through. You are not alone. It can be more healing than us saying, take your Omega and take a prenatal. We do it all in conjunction at the same time. But many times people are just doing all the supplements or wonder why it's not working well, our system is just on high alert.

As part of our fertile method, we have partners, do eye gazing exercises. And so that can really build trust with the partner. So partners engage in intentional eye contact to deepen connection and foster trust. You just sit comfortably facing each other, [00:15:00] maintaining soft eye contact for a few minutes while breathing slowly together.

No words are needed. The practice activates the social engagement system releases oxytocin. It calms the nervous system and helps balance your hormones, which is essential for ovulation, implantation. We have people do this too, so writing letters to your future child or your body.

You write some letters to your future baby, your body expressing hopes, fears, gratitude. Healing intentions. You can free write without judgment releasing the stored emotions that are in there. It helps to externalize and process some of these feelings. Let's see how we're feeling around this.

Sometimes we don't even know. It's like a mind dump. A lot of times it's good to do it in the morning before you wake up. Just have pen to paper, not. Not fingers to keyboard. And building a loving relationship with the fertility journey and reducing that internal stress.

And then the breath work that we talked about. So the gentle breath awareness. We're just, holding our breath all day long. So the body scans and notice tension. So that can really help with the whole somatic side of [00:16:00] things and breath work can really be helpful. And the mindset reframe go for I must control to succeed, to I can trust my body to guide me.

Your body is giving you singles every day. And so what we see with people we work with, they have better cycles. Their cycle improves, better cervical mucus. Their FSH comes down, their AMH goes up. The hormones start to regulate, and then you have that feeling of ease and peace. They come here for the testing and that, but they end up, when they're leaving, they're like, wow, I didn't really realize I was getting help with my mindset and being able to, lean into my intuition and lean into my own

hope and faith that you know everything's going to be okay. And then what this does is reset your nervous system and then people go on to conceive people in their forties have their period return. People at 40, I'm just thinking 43 with a low AMH and high FSH went on to conceive. She was told, donor eggs were only option.

[00:17:00] She made a lot of changes and worked. So our average success is 12 to 18 months. But lots of success stories where people have been told donor eggs and it didn't work. And just similar to that one I just talked about 43 with low AMH, high FSH and going on to, conceive. And so even though the controlling side of things can feel productive, because I know you like to feel productive and especially in the context of fertility, there's always something to do.

But it all, it just really sends signals to your body that it's not safe to conceive. So letting go is not giving up. It's choosing to create a physiology of safety and trust and receptivity.

So if you're ready to shift outta that controller pattern if you're ready to shift out of it. If you're ready to get my eyes on your specific situation, we can talk about some options to help. We specialize with low AMH and high FSH, DOR, POI. Send me a message at hello@fabfertile.ca, subject line FERTILE, and we'll give you some options to help. Take care.

How to Get Started With Functional Fertility Support

Book your call here to get your personalized plan and options to help improve pregnancy success either naturally or with IVF treatment. 

Check out our Fab Fertile functional fertility program here and learn how to improve AMH levels naturally.  We work with couples that have low AMH, high FSH, diminished ovarian reserve, premature ovarian insufficiency, and recurrent pregnancy loss.

FAQ: Common Questions About Low AMH, High FSH, and IVF Prep

Q: Can these strategies replace IVF?
A: Many are natural optimizations; combining them with IVF often improves outcomes. The question isn't whether "should I start IVF or work on my health?" It is always working on your health before IVF. This is what improves pregnancy success and improves your chances.  After all, you don't have a medication deficiency (and IVF is all about pumping your body with hormones/medication) you have an underlying imbalance with your hormones.  Once we've figured that out with testing, you'll either get pregnant naturally or improve your IVF success rates.

Q: Do I need functional lab testing when I have low AMH?
A: Personalized testing identifies hidden imbalances affecting fertility. This helps to fast-track your success; otherwise, you're just guessing.  Looking at the AMH number does not tell you why it's low in the first place. What we see with our clients with diminished ovarian reserve, premature ovarian insufficiency, and recurrent pregnancy loss is food sensitivities, gut infection, thyroid imbalance, blood sugar imbalance, nutrient deficiencies, and chronic stress (just to name a few!).

Q: Will these tips work if I have low AMH or high FSH?
A: Yes! They are specifically designed for women with diminished ovarian reserve, POI, or related challenges. We specialize in low AMH, high FSH, DOR, POI, and recurrent pregnancy loss.

Q: How long until I see results?
A: Small changes in stress, mindset, and lifestyle can support fertility within weeks to months. It takes 90-120 days for the egg to renew itself.  So in a short period of time, you can see a massive change in your health and fertility.

Resources

📩 Get your free 10-day elimination diet plan! Email hello@fabfertile.ca with the subject line 10 DAY to receive your guide and take the first step toward reconnecting with your fertility.

How Perfectionism Affects Fertility and Egg Quality - And What to Do About It: https://fabfertile.com/blogs/podcasts/is-perfectionism-affecting-your-fertility-how-to-let-go-and-support-egg-health-naturally?_pos=1&_sid=36f74120d&_ss=r

How To Naturally Boost Estrogen and Get Pregnant: https://fabfertile.com/blogs/podcasts/how-to-naturally-boost-estrogen-and-get-pregnant?_pos=1&_sid=aec6b1ab4&_ss=r

Beyond Hormones: Why Inflammation May Be Driving Poor Egg Quality and Miscarriage: https://fabfertile.com/blogs/podcasts/beyond-hormones-why-inflammation-may-be-driving-poor-egg-quality-and-miscarriage?_pos=2&_sid=ca54c764d&_ss=r